Birth story of our baby boy

Hello after a long while and it’s the most special one since it’s from the 3 of us!

I would like to introduce to you, our little boy – Nicolas…but first let me tell you his story. It’s a story of a baby who came to this world too early. A little fighter who was strong and brave in a way that I have no words for. He thought me that the littlest things take up the most room in our hearts.

The announcement may come to you as a surprise because I kept quiet for a very long time. I haven’t mentioned pregnancy or giving birth. I haven’t shared photos of the ultrasound scans, had a baby shower or showed you cute clothes and toys we got while expecting.  I disappeared from the online world for quite a while and as bad as I feel about it, I needed time to process everything what happened. In the last year we’ve been through A LOT which is why I waited to talk about it until I regained my mental strength.

What happened? Oh, where do I begin?

I got pregnant this time, last year. My pregnancy was not what you see in the movies (except from extreme nausea and vomiting). Sometimes pregnancy gets complicated. Truly, complicated. This was our case for the first several months until we reached the ‘safe’ point and could try to enjoy brief moments of waiting for our baby. 

At that stage, with encouragement from my doctor, we decided to take a short vacation in Tuscany (few hours drive from where we live). Eight wonderfully relaxing days of evenings at the beach, sleeping, good food.

Until the last day.  A very memorable one.

While laying in our hotel bed in the evening I started having minor pains. The word – contractions did not come to my mind at first, noone expects contractions at 28 weeks (6,5 months). We waited few hours and just to be sure went to nearby ER to check if everything was ok. I was terrified but they calmed me down, they said there is nothing to worry about, so we were shortly back to hotel to relax…until 12 hours later when the pain got so strong I felt that it’s no longer a case to keep calm.

We drove back to the Versillia hospital where they confirmed what I feared the most – those were contractions.

I could be giving birth.

From that moment everything seems like a foggy memory, everything was happening so fast…

There was emergency transfer with an ambulance to hospital in Pisa.

There were a lot of checks.

A lot of medical equipment.

There were doctors whispering around me.

There were sympathetic nurses giving me support.

Then there was hospital bed with IV bags hanging above my head and highest attention to try to prolong the possible labor.

Did it work?

It did but only for 24 hours.

I was terrified.

I was alone as my husband could not enter due to covid restrictions.

Every minute seemed like an hour. I tried not to feel contractions and kept on telling myself they are getting lighter. I tried not to count them but no matter what I did they wouldn’t stop.  The night after my arrival to Pisa, my water broke.

Panic.

I vagouly remember what happened next. I was in a different dimension. It all went so fast. Decisions were made, anesthetics were given to me. I was taken to the labor department and at 3:45am through emergency cesarian our baby boy was born.

28+4 weeks. Weight: 1,390 g. 

As you may know, the birth of premature baby means time in the intensive care.

Incubator.

It means everything can happen in the first weeks.

On day 1 we were told by the doctors to be ready for a ‘roller coaster’ of emotions and events and they were absolutely right. Those were one of the most difficult days we experienced in our life. The most contrasting feelings of love and joy and terrifying anxiety.

Questions, concerns and fears. We lived through all.

The good and the bad days, the tears accompanying all different kind of emotions. You can try to imagine it but I can tell you that unless you experience it, it is unimaginable.

The first time I went to NICU room (“TIN”) to see our beautiful baby boy, he grabbed my finger with his tiny little hand… I can’t describe that feeling but I know it filled my heart with love and gave me hope for the days to come. He was so tiny, so precious. I couldn’t hold him but I could touch him through the incubator little window. I could watch him through the glass. He was there. My little boy.

They say, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. And that is very true.

We were lucky that our boy was born healthy and strong. That he was the most wonderful, little fighter who overcame many difficulties premature birth has caused him.

We spent 56 days in the intense + sub intense care, day after day watching him getting ready to come out into the world. Some days I was overwhelmed with fear. Some days I was feeling powerless surrounded by constantly beeping monitors, continues checks and life support given to the babies. 

Yet somehow, day after day of hospital life, feelings of confidence began to replace the initial terror. And on the 18th of August we reached the day our baby boy was ready to leave the hospital. We finally could come back home after, as we call it now – ‘prolonged vacation’ in Tuscany.

It was the most special day but also a very sentimental one. During our long stay in Pisa we bonded a lot with the fantastic medical team of doctors and nurses who took care of our baby boy (and us) with so much love and care! Leaving after almost 2 months I can tell that the place has felt like home and people – like family. Both hospital and the ‘casa allogio’ where I stayed with other mums of premature babies. I am sure we will stay connected for life.

I will be thankful for the rest of my life for all the support we have received in Pisa. In that not ideal situation – things turned out well and I could not imagine passing this difficult time better than surrounded by everyone I met along the way.

As of today, we have spent first months with our baby boy at home. I’m grateful for those sleepless nights many newborn mums complain about. We are home, all 3 of us and our baby boy is well and growing! A few cries and little day-to-day new parents struggles will definitely not scare us at this point. We take it all in with appreciation and happiness!

Noone wishes to have this kind of birth story but today I know we are lucky, that it had a happy end and that we can look forward to many happy days ahead of us with our baby. 

Our little boy is our hero, full of life and happiness, he is curious about the world around him and every day with him feels like a miracle! 

Here is the warmest hello from Nico to all of you ♥

Wile writing this post I decided not to get too detailed about the time we spent in the intense therapy. We’ve lived and seen a lot, and I know that hearing about it is not for everyone. It was hard, it changes you. However, if you are going through similar time please feel free to reach out, ask me anything, connect. I know how important is to have somebody who is going through similar situation to talk to. We are here to help and support each other, always! ♥ 

Sending love to each and every one of you! As a new mum I have less time to post but I promise to get better at that.

A.